2 weeks and counting down
2 weeks and counting down.....until I am blessed to meet Tiki in person. I already know there's a love connection coming....
I've been purposely quiet for awhile going inward - emotionally preparing myself to love again. It's no small thing to open your heart again after losing the love of your life.
And there's no accident that we all have 5 weeks to "prepare" for beautiful Tiki to join our family. All in divine timing. While I knew in my heart and soul it was the right decision, watching as things unfolded with such grace and ease, my heart certainly needed time to grow and heal into the next chapter.
Some of you may have a hard time understanding or reconciling that we can connect and communicate with our beloveds in the after-life, and by now I've been pretty transparent about it, so when I share about Akira and her orchestrating Tiki to come into our lives it may be a stretch. And that's okay. I feel strongly to share about this - guided from the soul really - and without filter because I know it can help others, too.
I didn't elaborate much at the time, but out of the clear blue felt I was "told" it was time for a new dog to come into our home. I originally thought it was a dog for Roy and Spruce. Things move fast for me and within a days time, Akira had revealed the dog was for ME. She said I needed to heal and open my heart.
My response (it's called bargaining :) ), well maybe I can heal my heart in a relationship with a man? To that she replied, "you must heal your heart in the area you were wounded...with a dog." Yep, she is THAT wise. And I knew it as truth....as you always do when you hear it and just know.
Having chosen a conscious path to evolve, there's no other answer for me than to listen to the truth. To heal and open my heart was needed to be a more evolved and enlightened (loving and compassionate person). And Akira has chosen a role of being my guardian guide, lovingly stretching me at every opening to evolve and be love.
Now I don't doubt for a second that she (with the support other guides and angels - including my brother) orchestrated bringing Tiki and me together. When Maureen asked if the dog coming was for me Akira replied looking back with a wink, "and she thinks she is not getting another dog." :)
She has this innate way of knowing when I am ready for the next phase of healing, leap of faith, etc. Not a minute too early, and not a minute too late. Just as she said my timing was "immaculate" for when to help her cross the rainbow bridge - to the precise day she was ready to pass, her timing seems to be just as precise.
Still....I didn't just ease into this decision without resistance and bargaining. ;) First step, I went to some shelters and rescues and let me tell you, I didn't feel anything (a complete void) for any of the dogs. I knew I was supposed to be there, I knew it was part of the journey, however, it felt a bit like torture.
Yes, a strong word, yet I trusted Akira and my guidance and knew it was where I was supposed to be. I had some tough nights, crying myself to sleep for a week and dialoguing with Akira asking, "why?" Such a loving compassionate soul, she held space knowing this was part of my healing.
After four trips to see about adopting a dog, the last trip I went home depressed and finally I was open to "listening" to the path that was waiting for me.....another Shiba Inu. After going through I guess enough angst, I heard the question, "besides the obvious (not wanting to replace Akira), why are you feeling nothing for any dogs?" To that I replied, "Akira, I love beauty and no other dog holds a candle to you." To that the response...."not even another Shiba?" Truth....
My bargaining looked something like this.....(1) No dog ever again. (2) No Shiba Inu ever. (3) No female.
The divine path unfolding for me.....a female Shiba Inu named Tiki. Keep in mind, I didn't just take one source of guidance to come to this decision, though the truth is always the same answer. I checked in on many levels and I knew....my soul knew.
So now we are two weeks away from Tiki's arrival and day by day I open my heart and ready myself to love her fully. She deserves it. I deserve it. I want to be ready for her, to love her the way she deserves. I want my heart to be fully open to love.
Akira has been helping me to heal in a few final areas. I don't worry anymore that Akira and I will drift apart, our relationship is so divinely guided and our connection so amazing. And every day I feel blessed and grateful.
She says that it's about opening to more love not losing any....of course that's true. It's been 8 months and 3 days since she crossed the rainbow bridge and given the depth of our soulmate relationship, I find it quite incredible that I am at the level of peace to embrace our new relationship.
However....there was one BIGGIE that was just revealed to me. Oddly after feeling into it and with Akira's guidance, for the first time i fully feel emotionally ready to open my heart to Tiki.
I needed to release my guilt and self-blame. To forgive myself.
I didn't realize just how much blame and guilt I felt for being the one who made the decision to amputate her leg to save her life. I hadn't forgiven myself for making the decision that caused the love of my life so much pain.
Akira just today helped me to understand the deeper meaning and purpose underneath of the year of suffering she experienced, but especially after being amputated and watching her suffering for 6 months.
She helped me to understand why going through the amputation was the right thing for her. The short answer is Transcendence. She said she was able to transcend the suffering and to be divine. She said that there is a deeper level of peace and strength in the Transcendence of suffering.
She added that she wanted to live and that the decision was the right decision. That I did everything I could to keep her comfortable every step of the way and it was out of love. The love that she got to experience through that time together was beyond what we had experienced in life thus far and she cherishes it and is glad that we had that time together. "So much love. So much love."
She said that I transcended suffering towards the end when I accepted that she was going to pass. Then we experienced pure love and Divinity together in physical form.
She says it is time for me to forgive myself.
And somehow with all that said.....there's a lifting, a peace, a softness, a forgiveness, an opening...and my heart for the first time feels ready to love Tiki....another female Shiba Inu. And I just know in my heart there's love there.
Opening to the new chapter now....
Enjoy these pictures of Tiki taken 3 years ago when she was being prepared for breeding / dog shows.... (Plus a couple puppy pictures)
Once she arrives I'll be sure to post recent ones of her and me. ♥
****UPDATE: Friends who do not know, these pictures were taken 3 years earlier and sadly she did not come to me in this condition. She was sickly and underweight. Very happy to report that after 2 months of very diligent and the best care possible (acupuncture, Chinese herbs, high quality non-allergic foods, and lots and lots of love, she is beginning to thrive!!)****